Look, I’m an old-school guy. Give me a simple meal, no fuss, no frills, and for heaven’s sake, no 15-syllable chemical compounds. Lately, there’s all this buzz about ‘plant-based’ this and ‘meatless’ that. Good for the planet, good for the heart – or so they say. But folks, let’s not be fooled by the fancy packaging and the feel-good ads.

A Salt Mine in Disguise

Back in my day, veggies came from the ground, not a lab. These new-age “meatless” delicacies? Packed to the brim with salt. They say it’s to give the flavor a little “oomph.” Well, my heart (which, mind you, has already given me a good scare once) doesn’t need that kind of oomph, thank you very much.

Chemical Carnivals

And if the salt overdose wasn’t enough, the ingredient list reads like a who’s who of the periodic table. When did food stop being, you know, food? I’ve had a heart attack, and the last thing I want is to stuff my body with more mystery ingredients that some guy in a lab coat thought was a good idea.

Keep It Real

Give me a plain ol’ carrot or a fresh piece of lettuce any day. None of this lab-concocted, “tastes just like meat!” nonsense. If I wanted something that tasted like meat, I’d eat, well, meat. But I’m trying to take care of my ticker, so I want genuine, honest-to-goodness plants. Not plants that took a detour through a chemical factory.

The Bottom Line

Here’s my two cents: if you’re looking to eat healthy, skip the aisle with all the “plant-based” novelties. Head straight to the produce section. Pick up something that’s actually grown, not manufactured. Your heart – and your taste buds – will thank you.